Frank’s Coaching Blog

Before you call the thought police: no, I’m not about to raise my voice for legalizing drugs. Well …. no. I’m not. I don’t even smoke.

I’m here introducing the Okey-Dope, the drug that is perfectly legal and makes us high. You can produce it yourself. It’s healthy, and yes, it is addictive.

The recipe? Every morning after waking up and before you get up, make yourself aware of what already right in your life. What’s okay about it? What can you be grateful for? If nothing comes to your mind because you’re leading such a s**tt* life, give some thanks for being able to open your eyes and breath. There’s always something! As a result you will get an instant kick. Enjoy.

Frank

Recently I became a bit frustrated. I had been working on many projects since the beginning of the year. And for a variety of reasons, I felt very unsatisfied with the outcomes. Pressure was building up, and then there came the point where I though I just can’t stand it anymore. Here I was with several options: change my MO, give projects up, or hang in there.

Honestly, the change option didn’t really pop up. I just added it in hindsight. What actually filled my mind was the idea of giving up, and put some stuff to RIP.  At the same time I knew that this was a cheap way out, so hanging in there came in second.

I then did a reframe. A classic one, a textbook example. Within the sea of frustration I was feeling, I told myself that the most important breakthroughs happen usually right after we are just about to give up.

This instantly inserted some hope into the system, and things began to lighten up. This thought helped me to bear with the situation, and I decided to hang in there. Result? Still hanging in there at the time of the post.

Frank

Just do it.

One has to congratulate the sportswear company we all know for coming with this slogan and making it their own. I live only half an hour away from the headquarters of Adidas and Puma, so when it comes to sports equiment, I’m slightly biased by a sense of local patriotism. However, neither Puma nor Adidas had to luck the intrude my world with their slogan, but Nike has.

Coaching is all about taking action. That’s how we define it. It’s not philosophy class, and we are not satisfied with going away having insights and knowledge. Without creating action and the client going in the right direction, coaching has ultimately failed.

No doubt that insights can lead us to action more often than not, sometimes we know and observe everything that is happening inside us. And when we still don’t move and take action, then it’s time to Just Do It.

A barrier has to be broken down by putting action over thoughts and feelings. No agenda, just going ahead.

I found that this is much easier, when we mindfully create a structure around what we ‘just want to do’. Like setting up accountability, creating opportunities, taking out time, etc.

And then there comes the time when we leave ourselves behind and ‘just do it’.

Frank

Recently I began to journal losely again. Whenever I feel like it I pull out my Moleskine Notebook and write a couple of line about whatever topic pops up. Suprisingly there’s always something popping up, and the outcome is often creative and of a good quality.When I was posting to message boards in the past, coaching people or thinking out loud about how I see the world, I noticed something. I didn’t just dump what was inside my head, but I was creative at the same time. After I wrote the piece, I felt a little bit more wiser and insightful than I did before, although everything I wrote just came out of my own head, nothing added. So I should have known everything before, right?

I see this is also a great benefit of coaching. When we tell our stuff and give our Inner Traffic Report, some magic happens that lets us better know what we are about. Some extra stuff is added in the process of reporting and can’t be seen by just observing our thoughts. Frank

Magic Rushrooms. Yeah, I know. No, it’s not a typo.I could have entitled this post ‘Living in Slow Motion’ as well, because it’s about both, rush and slowness.

When I was younger I loved organizing events, and I did a lot of it. I was pretty successful as well. A reason for my success was that I hardly forget to think of important details. I figured out much later how I did it. My secret was that I saw everything happening in my mind in Slow Motion before it actually happened. That way I could look around and check out what was going on in every corner of the venue where the event was taking place. Like a movie director and cutter  I could make changes, go forward and backward in the film. Then what happened during the event was Magic Rushrooms. What took ages of detail-oriented planning just happened in a blitz.

Recently I wondered how I could miss important details in several of my projects. No harm was done, but missing the details would later bite me when I had to put in much extra effort to get things straight.

One day when waking up my mind somehow slipped into the center of my body, around my solar plexus, and suddenly my whole life slowed down. I was again able to observe every detail, even my thoughts that lead to certain actions. That gave me an immediate feeling of better control on what I was doing.

One of my coaches requested me to practice slowness. As a way to do this she suggested I could do a breath meditation with no immediate goal apart from slowing down. I’ve done this a couple of times sofar, and it really helps to get back to the old state of being able to observe and influence, although it’s not yet the same power that I felt when I woke up that morning.

Frank

We all are creatures constantly creating thoughts. And the thoughts are able to create feelings. Where do all the thoughts come from?You become what you think about, right? There is a lot of truth on this adage, and we don’t have to go to the metaphysical in order to see how true it is.

We have the New Thought school that is lately getting a lot of publicity through the success of the movie ‘The Secret’. It is based on the idea that we attract what we think about (Law of Attraction). Somehow, this school claims, our thoughts actually create the reality we experiece, and attract the topics of our thoughts into our life. As a former scientist, I will not debate the validity of this concept here. I can well imagine that it is all true, and I’m also open to learning that the opposite is true, and everything inbetween.

The reason I mention this idea here is that the argument I’m putting forward in this post is not based on the premise of “The Secret”, it works with or without.

We become what we think about. If we keep thinking about how to pay the bills, we are unlikely to come up with a plan to create abundance. It’s all about paying the bills, those numbers are what we focus on. If we don’t think about big numbers, they are very unlikely to show up in our life. We just don’t get inspired to go for something big. The next bills will set the bar.

The Chatterbox. That’s one name for the neverending process that creates the thoughts we experience. If we identify with all our thoughts and think that this is ‘us’, we’re screwed. Then we not only become what we think about, we also become what we already are. Ouch.

The only way I can see to take the power away from the thoughts that pop up from nowhere and design our life is to learn to disregard them to a certain degree. We can actually filter them, and just ignore those we don’t want to give credit to. And what is the filter? Let’s make two classes: one with the thoughts that are supportive, and one with those that aren’t. How we figure out which thoughts are supportive? Good question! When they are aligned with our intentions and our Higher Self, then they are supportive.

I’m not going to explain what I call the Higher Self here and now. Maybe you figure(d) it out anyway. : - )

Frank

While we were growing grow up we all heard a lot of messages about money, like

• Money doesn’t grow on trees.
• We can’t afford that.
• I’m not working hard enough
• We might be poor but at least we’re honest.
• You only get rich by taking advantage of others.
• a s**t-load of money
• stinking rich

We don’t have to hear these exact phrases, it’s enough to grow up in an environment of people and media are who entertaining those kind of thoughts. The idea will inevitably permeate our lifes and our own thinking. The media are very successful in creating all kind of rich and loathworthy characters.

Have a look what concepts are expressed above:

• scarcity - there is not enough money for everybody
• you have to deserve what you get
• people who have money are bad
• money is dirty

If you deep in your hearts believe that rich people are evil, and at the same time you desire to be a good persons (as most people do), there is an instant conflict when you want to be rich. Or only have a certain level of abundance around you.

I personally know people who earn six-figure incomes and are ‘broke’ all the time. They spend every dime they own, and once the income stream would stop flowing - things can happen - they would be broke the next month.

Although they desire to be millionaires, it will probably never happen. In the heart of their hearts they don’t want to be rich, because that would mean they show signs of evil. As ridiculous as it sounds, it works very reliably for them.

Lottery winners are also good examples that a sum of money has to match the mind of the holder to stay. Studies show that most lottery winners are not only broke a few years after they came up with the right numbers, they are also likely to be in debt.

As coaches, if we come across money issues the client want to talk about, it makes sense to elicit their beliefs about money and rich people, and and least create some awareness around it. Before somebody is able to amass a larger sum of money, negative beliefs around money have to be changed to positive ones.

In case you want to read good books around this topics, reach out for Harv Eker’s Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealthand Maria Nemeth’s The Energy of Money.

Frank

A couple of months ago I read Taming Your Gremlin.

Generally I like all kinds ways of dealing with our minds and its complexity. And obviously this method works for people. At least it is cute enough to gain quite a fan community, whether they’re using it or not. Even in the highly acclaimed book Co-Active Coaching I found references to Gremlins.

 
(c) http://www.taminglight.com


The one thing I don’t like about this concept is that we- despite of all cuteness - have to give a lot of significance and credence to what is not working, i.e. the ‘Gremlins’. You name them, you draw them, you give them a voice. It’s like a mental Pet Rock.

 

I suggest that instead of giving the unwanted more power by focusing on it, we better focus on what we do want.

Frank

Here are a two very different ways of getting things done when there is resistance:

#1 Trick yourself by adding outside structures
#2 Ignore the Mindfrick

Look at my last post with Graham White’s list. These are all examples of #1. But what the heck is Mindfrick?Mindfrick is a term introduced by peakpotentials, and it means ‘mind friction’ (you guessed this, yes?). It’s actually a concept from Zen buddhism, but more modernly named.

So #2 is about letting your mind chatterbox chat and bring up all kinds of thoughts and feelings. When you know what your higher purpose is, then you can ignore most of the chatter and just act inspite of your feelings, thoughts, and moods. It’s different from #2, because in #1 you still work with the resistance, and you find a way around it. In #2 you acknowledge that it’s not real.

Go ahead and give yourself a treat here and there by doing stuff anyway, out of pure purpose.

Frank

The former headcoach of peakpotentials, Graham White has set up levels of accountability that could be interesting to every coach. This material isn’t accessible over the internet anymore, but Graham’s website is here:  www.incrediblepotential.com.

Frank

Levels Of Accountability:

Conscience. This works for the things you already are successful at 100% of the time.

Written Record Of The Goal. This works for a new goal that you have only recently become interested in achieving but forget about because it isn’t already part of your life.

Detailed Schedule. This works for simple goals that just need time to get done. Nagging goals can be accomplished by developing a good schedule.

Commitment To A New Habit. If you have the willpower to be accountable to yourself in doing what you don’t enjoy FIRST, you use this.

Commitment To A Program. Find a good solution and implement it, join a gym, do your activity with a partner etc.

Broadcast Your Intent. Tell everyone and talk about it often. You become accountable to the fear that they’ll ask you about your goal and you don’t want to have to tell them you’re failing.

Be Accountable To A Specific Individual. This works for goals you need support in. Chose the person carefully. They have to be 100% committed to whatever system you decide on. If they fail you, you too will fail.

Be Accountable To A Drill Sergeant. This works for goals you need a lot of motivation to achieve. They must be someone who will confront you and force you to do the things you don’t feel like doing. They must be willing to get in your face and REFUSE to take no for an answer.

Be Accountable To Your Currency. Set up a system where you agree (in writing) to a financial penalty (or similar loss of something important) for failing to achieve your goal. Decide on the cost by how much pain you need to motivate yourself to accomplish a goal that you have failed on repeatedly. Give the MAXIMUM amount that it will cost you if you fail to the individual holding you accountable. Agree that it will become theirs (or a charities) if you don’t achieve your goal.

Professional Help. If you don’t achieve your goal for very significant issues you will lose your opportunities, your relationships your health or your life. Ask people who care about you to help you commit. Once you recognize the gravity of your situation, get professional help.

Graham White

Just a quick thought today:

When we are hard on each other, there is quite some energy used up on being hard, on being pushy, on finding ways to make somebody feel bad and incomplete. What if we used that energy to go forward without wasting a lot on all the friction?

The question is: Can we be perfectly gentle, energy-preserving, and at the same time effective in getting our goals?

I have no doubt about it. It just takes some other things to be in place, and again others to be missing.

Frank